In 2017, 28 trans people were murdered because of who they were. In the majority of cases, the men who killed them claimed they felt deceived by their victims. It’s been dubbed the “trans panic defense,” and in some places it’s outlawed as a legal defense. At least six more trans people have been killed as of , and as is true every year, most were trans women of color.
While I’m not a POC and didn’t think Phil capable of such a horrendous crime, I don’t know him well enough to totally rule out what any man might do if enraged.
What was worse was what he said he’d do if that happened to him. “This might sound messed up and I don’t care,” he said on the show, “but, she dying,”
So it’s not uncommon for men to think that if they have an intimate relationship with a trans woman, it means they’re gay. “You manipulated me to believe this thing,” Lil Duval said. “My mind, I’m gay now.”
Because they cannot see trans women as women. We’re just men who look like women. They don’t understand gender is what’s between our ears, not what’s between our legs. And here’s a newsflash: Not all trans women have penises.
Well, after two fabulous dates, I was indeed ready. Had I not been enjoying myself so much, I can see now that it might have been easier for me to tell him at the end of the second date, or over the phone or via text following that wonderful afternoon and evening.
Instead, I planned to tell him about my past in person, on our third date this Sunday, which also happens to be my birthday.
“Do you think anything would have changed if you told him earlier?” asked my widow friend Sally. “And does that change your desire to wait? I feel men in particular are not as open to this.”
I agree, I told her, but had I told Phil earlier, I have no doubt we would not have enjoyed these three weeks of romance.
The survey by YouGov found 27% of respondents would not even want to be friends with anyone who identifies as trans. That’s more than 1 out of 4 people who would turn their back, rather than be my friend.
Only 18% say they would consider a “serious” relationship with a trans person. Those willing to have sex with a trans man or non-binary person amounted to just 15%, and only 13% said they’d get intimate with a trans woman like me. It’s not just straight men who see us as fake.
Adding insult to injury, pollsters reported only 4% of Americans surveyed admitted to having gone on a date with someone trans. Even that dismal number seems generous, given my personal experience.
When I set the filter on my dating app to screen for men who answered the question, “Would you date a transgender person?” I have to zoom out the search to 200 miles from my hometown to find anyone. Right now there are only two guys who said yes; one of whom is himself trans, and the other is looking for a polyamorous partner. Yeah, no.
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